so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
