Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
