): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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