Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Randomize
