Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
