Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
