Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
