Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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