I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize