i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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