I just saw a hot homeless man
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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