Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
