I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize