So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
