We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
