yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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