can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Randomize
