No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds