tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now