put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
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I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.