Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
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Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
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i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
How drunk are you?