All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
