Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?