You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
25 People Confess The Sex Acts They Were Super Ashamed Of
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress