I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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