You don't have asthma, your pregnant
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
