Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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