I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
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