Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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