if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I seem to have left my pride at pride
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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