Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
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