Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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