Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
