I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Randomize
