He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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