Where is the hickey?
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
