He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
