woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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