ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
