I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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