You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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