I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
