I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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