literally had 100 drinks last night.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
nutella sex= disaster
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
