shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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