My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
