who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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