We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
