I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
