Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
