If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
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It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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