cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
