There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Welp...herpes.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
