Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize