Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
its liver damage thursday
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
