Where is the hickey?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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