I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
