I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I lost the right to judge tonight
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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