She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
