The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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