Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
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I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
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The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
i black out too much to be "responsible"