god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I need a beard to bite.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
