Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
