He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Dignity is for republicans.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
