Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
