Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Drunk is not a location!
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Drunk is a universal language darling
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
