she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
