pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
We are all done wearing pants today
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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