Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
