You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
