I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
