i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
