And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
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i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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