Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
