Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
