No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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