remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
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I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
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After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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