you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
