We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
