Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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