I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
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I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
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She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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