He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
