The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
