ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
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I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
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And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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