we're chasing vodka with high fives
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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