he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
