Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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