The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
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When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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